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"Why Has Thou Forsaken Me, O Deity Whose Existence I Doubt"

"The Power To Destroy A Thing Is The Absolute Control Over It"

"I Wish You Good Fortunes In The Wars To Come, And Now It Begins"

"May The Force Be With You"

"What do I do? System architecture, networking and security. No one in this house can touch me on that."

But does anyone appreciate that?

While you were busy minoring in gender studies and singing acappella at Sarah Lawrence, I was gaining root access to NSA servers. I was one click away from starting a second Iranian revolution.

I prevent cross-site scripting. I monitor for DDoS attacks, emergency database rollbacks, and faulty transaction handling.

The internet — heard of it? transfers half a petabyte of data every minute. Do you have any idea how that happens? All those YouPorn ones and zeros streaming directly to your shitty little smartphone day after day. Every dipshit who shits his pants if he can't get the new dubstep Skrillex remix in under 12 seconds. It's not magic; it's talent and sweat. People like me ensuring your packets get delivered unsniffed.

So what do I do? I make sure that one bad config on one key component doesn't bankrupt the entire fucking company.

Thats what the fuck i do"